The Hard Truth of Addiction: A family members perception
I understand the harsh realities of addiction. I understand that this is not the life you wanted or dreamed you would have. I have watched as you have struggled through every issue that has been dealt to you. I see the glimpses of the person you are, and the amazing things you can be. These are all the things I know and understand about addiction.
There are things that maybe you don't see or understand about what your addiction means to your family. This addiction has taken someone we love and cared about. It has eaten away at the very being of the person that we idolized as a child growing up. We are left to pick up the pieces that this addiction leaves behind. These pieces are not always the obvious ones either. They can sometimes be the broken promises of sobriety, or the sting of hurtful words. They can also sometimes be the pieces of a broken heart that truly believed you when you said you were gonna get help. The hardest pieces to put together are the peices of a broken heart left in the wake of a phone call saying you have been found unresponsive due to an overdose.
I am admittedly new to this entire addiction situation. I married into these situations, and have watched my wife struggle through everything because of the lessons she had to learn growing up. She is a wonderful, beautiful, caring soul, and means the world to me. She has never been addicted to anything in her life, but the pains of addiction are just as prevalent in her life as they would be in the life of someone who is addicted. She struggles with trust, anger, and attachment. As long as we have been together(8 years this May), I have watched in amazement how she dealt with instances of addiction. I was introduced to this very early in our realtionship. One day I called to ask if she wanted to hang out, and when she answered the phone I could tell something was bothering her. She finally felt like she could bring me into a problem she had been faced with her whole life. Her family struggles with addiction.
At first, I wasn't sure exactly what she meant. I had never known anyone to struggle with drugs or alcohol, at least not in this sense. She explained that this was something that has been apart of her childhood for as long as she remembered, and that her grandparents were actually the ones who raised her. She went into details, but they aren't important for this story. What is important is that I, that day, my first experience with addiction, I decided that I knew that no matter what I didn't want to see her hurt like this. I never knew this pain, but I knew she didn't deserve it. Since that day, I have watched as countless things have occurred where addiction has reared it's ugly head. That addiction has ranged from drug abuse to alcoholism, and it has affected not only the lives of the addict, but my wife, and now my two sons. Everytime I still get the feeling I felt the day I first heard my wife crying on the telephone. It's a feeling I am starting to recognize all to well.
Although, addiction is never completely out of our lives, it had started taking a backseat to recovery in most instances. Family members were more visible and present, church had become a major part of the lives of my wife, children, and her family, and I started to notice a change for the better. However, just like everytime before it addiction took the spotlight. We have recently been put back in the middle of the battle once again. We, meaning my wife and kids, have taken in one of my nephews. The circumstances are not important, but the reality is that addiction played a major role. Although we are no strangers to the wounds that addiction causes something felt different with this. As soon as my wife told me about the possibility of the baby being addicted and removed, I knew we had to help. I know that my life isn't perfect, and my marriage is far from problem free, but something in me needed to help.
I can understand almost everything addiction carries with it. However, what I can not understand is the inability to care for the life of an unborn child. Especially your own flesh and blood. I have watched this amazing little person struggle through the beginning months of his life, and it hurts. It hurts me to see it, it hurts knowing we can't help him, and it definitely hurts knowing this is something he will most likely deal with for the rest of his life. The idea that a child was brought into this world with such disregard is something I will never understand. My wife is a very loving, caring, understanding individual, more often than not, giving the benefit of the doubt is something she can't help but do. It is a trait that I envy in her. I am still in astonishment seeing what she has been through, what she has seen, and still there is something in her that says I need to be the person who supports.
I will never truly understand the trials and tribulations of someone struggling with addiction. I will never understand that moment in time when you need to choose between your addiction and something you care about. What I do understand is what it looks like to be a pillar of support, a rock in time of need, the light in the storm of darkness, and the outstretched hand of someone who cares. I understand this because I have and continue to witness it day in, and day out, everytime I look at my wife and the life that she tries to live.
As always, be amazing and remember...you are the difference between a smile and a frown, so be the reason they smile.
