The Beginning

So, this is my first blog post since...well EVER!  I have a ton of built up information that I just wish I could put it all into words.  This is the beginning to what I hope is my outlet for all of this craziness that I call life...So, here goes nothing...

Since as long as I can remember all I ever wanted to do in life was be a father.  I grew up in an all too familiar dynamic now-a-days, my biological father had left my mother when I was less than a year old, and I was raised by a man that I looked at as a hero.  He was tough...he loved tough, spoke tough, and man did he discipline tough.  Throughout my childhood, I spent majority of my time with my "Dad".  That was something I always cherished, and something I always told myself that I would make sure I did with my son.  What I didn't know was that along with hanging out, I was soaking in all of the negative things that at 10 or 11 you don't even recognize.  Looking back now, I see where I get my short temper, my inability to handle stress, my bad eating habits, and a million other things that I wish I wouldn't be passing on to my sons.  I love my Dad, and there are hundreds of things from back then that I would be lucky to pass on, but the problem is that at the moment I find myself doing more of the things I wish I had never seen.

I never wanted to be the Dad that busted his kids ass for acting up.  Even now, I still don't want to do it.  I sit and think about changing my way of handling issues, but for some reason it seems to always go back to a spanking.  I try hard to be patient, but everytime something seems to click in me and I revert right back into what I know.  I am a very loving father, and I want to give my son's the world.  On the flip side, I'm sure my son's would tell you that I am tough...I love tough, I speak tough, and man do I discipline tough...of all the things I wanted to learn from my Dad, the things that are seeming to define me are the things I liked the least about being a kid.

Here's hoping for a new outlook.  Stay amazing and remember...you are the difference between a smile and a frown, so be the reason they smile.

Deuces

D